All hail the MODUS tungsten king, Derek Coulson, the conquering, invincible champion of Week Seven in Portsmouth
When it comes to the Welshman and the Super Series, it’s a case of completed it mate after Coulson not only claimed the trophy and £5,000 prize, but amazingly strolled out of Live Lounge unbeaten all week.
That’s like being out with your mates on the pull and not only walking away arm in arm with a supermodel, but discovering she has a spare Ferrari and wants to give you one. And the other car too. Proper legend stuff. Derek, we salute you. The Pompey Final Boss.
Coulson – a nickname based purely on his initials, which makes you thankful you’re not called Tony Ian Thomas – didn’t just top Group A, he smashed it like a deranged bull in a china shop whose wife had just left him. Bagging a record-breaking fifteen wins, he coolly dropped the mic on his way out of the building.
For those unaware of how the MODUS Super Series works, if you do what Derek did – win the group, not every single game – you get to put your feet up for a couple of days and watch whatever a 57-year-old Welsh bloke watches on Netflix. The other five players go into the remaining groups and get more bites at the apple. This guy, however, metaphorically gobbled up the entire orchard.
Onto Saturday’s Finals Night and the rest were probably hoping Derek would get lost on his way to the Live Lounge. Sadly for them, he remembered the route and carried on exactly as he had finished on Wednesday, defeating Harry Ward and Daniel Ayres to top that mini-group too. If there had been a giant pool of water blocking the entrance to the venue, he’d probably have walked across that as well.
Into the semi-finals, and by this point the MODUS chiefs were already engraving his name on the silverware – which, in fact, isn’t silver at all, but a rather nice plaque. Coulson then saw off bus-driving Radek Szaganski once again, refusing to take any passengers en route to ultimate glory.
Then came the showdown and it almost seemed inevitable he would complete the unbelievable and go the whole way unbeaten. Oliver Mitchell did manage to steal a leg off the Market Drayton resident, but DC claimed four of his own, which is precisely what happened every time he stepped onto the MODUS stage all week.
It’s a simply remarkable achievement from someone who appears to be enjoying a second coming in the game this year. Coulson now heads home, where he will spend the next month or so turning water into wine and knocking out a few other miracles before returning for Champions of Champions Week, where I’m sure he will start as the resounding favourite.
Can anyone stop him? Well, nobody managed it this time.
Take a bow, son. But due to your age, be careful. We don’t want you putting your back out.
