Honours at the latest ConciergeUK organised event, the Taunton Open, went the way of reigning ADC Global Champion Jack Tweddell, who edged out Johnny Haines in a dramatic last-leg decider.

What is it with darts tournaments being staged at other sporting venues? This one was held at Somerset Cricket Club. But I guess if they’re not using it for the weekend, they might as well hire it out to a bunch of oldies – and plenty of youngies too – who love to chuck tungsten rather than smash boundaries and perhaps the odd clubhouse window.

Taunton is a lovely part of England. Located on the River Tone, it has a castle that just about pre-dates most of the competitors. Anyone can enter. To be more specific, that means anyone on the planet who doesn’t possess a PDC Tour Card, with most of those players currently in Germany at the World Cup and the other ones probably sat in a bar somewhere watching it.

So, onto the action. With 83 hopefuls involved, we went down the old round-robin route. Annoyingly, that figure is a prime number, which essentially means, when it comes to a darts draw, it’s about as useful as roller-skates on a cheetah.

Still, the Concierge bosses figured it out without having to dismember anyone. All in all, we had twelve groups and went down the ‘using letters’ route like the FIFA World Cup organisers. And that’s where the comparison ends, or it would be backhanders to take the Taunton Open somewhere miles away like… I don’t know… say Las Vegas?

Swindonian slinger (or whatever they call someone from there) Tweddell was drawn in Group G. Quite frankly, it wouldn’t have mattered if he’d been put in the local car wash armed with an umbrella, he still would have whitewashed everyone. Five matches, five wins. Job done and onto the knockouts. Seemingly not in the mood to let anyone win a leg off him, he continued in similar vein.

Now here’s a great lesson for every would-be darts writer. To be honest, it’s a lesson for anyone who uses the internet to gather information. I wasn’t sure of Jack’s nickname, so I did what any hard-working journo does and Googled it. What came up was an animal which resembles a particularly unattractive wild, medium-sized member of the pig family. As it turns out, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. The reality is that he doesn’t have a nickname at all. And certainly not the one that website claimed it was. Gave his missus a good giggle anyway pre-emergency edit!

Anyway, I digress. Back to the darts. Where was I? Oh yes, Tweddell has absolutely pissed his group and is ready for the next stage. From the last 64 onwards, Jack was certainly nimble and quick, crashing his way past opponent after opponent with all the ruthlessness of an angry Viking with a headache who’s just discovered his annual car insurance premium has doubled.

Whether it be Ryan Page, Ian Loveridge, Michael Huntley, Josh McCarthy or another member of that clan called Mitchell, they can all sit around the bar sharing stories of how Tweddell battered them 4-0. Then came the final and, thankfully, someone decided to give Jack a game. Step forward Johnny Haines, who had clearly decided not to be the next lamb to the slaughter. Eventually though, he fell just like the many before him, but not before taking the Wiltshire man all the way to a deciding leg.

Everyone had so much fun that Concierge have decided to go again in Taunton, this time on 31st October, when the weather is far too crap for cricket in England anyway. As it’s Halloween, Tweddell will be looking to scare everyone to death again.

And he doesn’t need a mask – just a set of darts, seemingly.