Quite the night in Frankfurt as the group stage thankfully concluded. Forty nations arrived with hopes, dreams and, for many, a rare opportunity to play on a big stage in front of the world’s television cameras. But for the majority, the game is now up. And they return to milking cows or whatever they normally do.
All the results are listed below, but first let’s have a little giggle at some of the day’s highlights.
Japan’s Motomu Sakai once again made his way to the stage like some kind of comedic Stevie Wonder, donning the dark shades and trying to pretend to be blind. It wasn’t funny the first time, son. But given the fact some competitors performed like people without the ability to see, it was rather ironic.
I’m big into the shirts this year. Some look great. Some resemble a panic buy from the middle aisle of a supermarket. And don’t get me started on the kit clashes. I’m sticking firmly behind my campaign for the PDC to launch home and away strips next year. It can’t be too difficult, and just think of the merchandise sales.
Hats off to Czechia and Denmark. Whoever designed theirs clearly had the right idea. Look at the national ensign – print it on the shirt. Job’s a good’un. Both walked on stage instantly recognisable to your average vexillologist.
Norway’s fashion designer clearly took one look at those two and decided it was the way forward. And given the fact Cor Dekker is about the size of your average flagpole, you could easily stick him on top of any federal Norwegian building to commemorate whatever birthday their Head of State happens to be celebrating.
Hungary’s Kovacs showed his inexperience on the big stage by attempting to hush the crowd while going for a double. Unsurprisingly, turning around to the audience with a stern face and placing a finger over his lips did absolutely nothing to pacify them. Neil Duff tried something similar at Lakeside, instead opting to tell two elderly ladies knitting to shut the f**k up. That didn’t work either, so asking a boisterous German mob fuelled by a few steins to keep quiet was always going to be an idea that fell flat on its arse. And sure enough, it did.
Team Belgium scraped through by the skin of their teeth. Having beaten Slovenia in the afternoon, Mike and Dimi had to wait nervously backstage, hoping their opponents would do a number on Hong Kong. Amazingly, they did. And the only shock was Dimitri Van den Bergh not running out on stage to perform a celebratory dance with the debutants.
No problems for Poland, who advanced comfortably to the knockout stages. To look at Ratajski and Bialecki, you’d think they’d just run over a cat. They possess less charisma than a stamp-collecting walrus who spends his spare time train spotting. Maybe if they win the whole thing, we might see a smile emanate from the corner of their mouths. Who knows.
To be perfectly honest, the standard has been lower than a mole’s new residence after purchasing an industrial-sized digger. Aside from Ireland versus Gibraltar, the rest of the matches shone about as brightly as a lightbulb covered in duct tape.
I appreciate that many of these lads aren’t professionals and I’m not expecting fireworks. But surely countries with populations in the millions can dig up players capable of averaging more than 60 or 70. Some looked as though they’d never seen a dartboard before and thought they’d been flown over as national representatives to oversee a German beer festival.
Yes, the Mongolian boys were probably a little nervous, which accounts for a modicum of not playing as well as you normally can, but they were dreadful. And I mean Nan still driving in her late nineties terrible. There were so many numbers in the seventies, I started wondering whether I’d accidentally wandered into a disco hall.
Anyway, now that a lot of those who came to make up the numbers – yeah, put darts on the global map and all that – have departed, hopefully we can see some quality arrows.
The big boys enter the fold now. We’ve got rid of Gladys Knight and her Pips – now it’s time for the Seeds, who can hopefully play a better tune.
Favourites England will take on Spain. You just know Sky Sports are going to fill their montage with footage of how Taylor and Wade lost to them about four hundred years ago and proclaim it the biggest shock in World Cup history. It was four entirely different players back then. Anyway, as much as I rate Cristo Reyes, I can’t see the Lukes crashing out at the first hurdle this time. The Germans will boo, Littler will give it back in bucketloads, and it should make for interesting viewing.
Reigning champions Northern Ireland have been handed Belgium who, quite frankly, are lucky to still be in the tournament. If topping the group was fate, then the last-16 draw was proof that their stroke of fortune wasn’t an omen. Unless the Flemish flingers discover a time machine and go back a couple of years, Rocky and Chinwinkle should have this one in the bag.
The new-look Dutch duo of Gian and MVG will take on Sweden. If Lukasiak can rediscover his best form, then alongside the in-form Jeffrey de Graaf things could get interesting. The only problem is the Scandinavian Oskar has been playing more like Oscar the Grouch recently, which sounds suspiciously like a Swedish version of Gary Anderson.
And speaking of the legendary and occasionally moody Scot – love you really, Gaz – he too forms part of a new partnership with Cammy Menzies. The former plumber has been doing rather well of late, and this pairing could be as formidable as when Mel Gibson’s character teamed up with that mad-looking Scottish warrior bloke in Braveheart. I’m fairly certain these two won’t be painting their faces blue – but then again, with Cammy, anything is possible. Just ask any table.
It should be fun and hopefully we’ll witness a dramatic increase in quality. It got to the point yesterday that when Mum asked if I fancied a trip to Asda, I genuinely paused to consider it before returning to watch what resembled paint drying.
Friday (Afternoon Session)
Denmark 4-1 India (H)
Spain 4-3 Croatia (K)
Hungary 4-0 Finland (L)
Singapore 4-2 Gibraltar (D)
Switzerland 4-1 Portugal (E)
South Africa 4-1 Mongolia (F)
Italy 4-2 Trinidad & Tobago (J)
Belgium 4-1 Slovenia (B)
Philippines 4-1 New Zealand (A)
Lithuania 4-2 Thailand (C)
France 4-3 China (I)
Canada 4-1 Australia (G)
Friday (Evening Session)
Czechia 4-1 Denmark (H)
Spain 4-1 Japan (K)
Norway 4-3 Hungary (L)
Republic of Ireland 4-2 Gibraltar (D)
Poland 4-2 Switzerland (E)
Sweden 4-1 Mongolia (F)
Trinidad & Tobago 4-3 Latvia (J)
Slovenia 4-2 Hong Kong (B)
Germany 4-2 New Zealand (A)
Wales 4-1 Thailand (C)
France 4-3 Austria (I)
USA 4-2 Canada (G)
Saturday (Afternoon Session)
Republic of Ireland v Poland
Latvia v France
(4) Scotland v Norway
Wales v USA
Saturday (Evening Session)
(3) Northern Ireland v Belgium
Germany v Czechia
(1) England v Spain
(2) Netherlands v Sweden
Draw Bracket
(1) England v Spain
Wales v USA
(4) Scotland v Norway
Republic of Ireland v Poland
(2) Netherlands v Sweden
Germany v Czechia
(3) Northern Ireland v Belgium
Latvia v France
