That’s another Euro Tour event done for the year, and another different winner as Luke Woodhouse is crowned the 2026 Baltic Sea Darts Open champion. That makes Woody’s visit to Kiel far more memorable than The Inbetweeners’ trip to Crete was.
A fortnight ago, the 37-year-old had as many trophies this century in his cabinet as Everton FC. Now, following his recent Players Championship title win, he has a pair. Just like the Bewdley boy said – trophies are like buses when two come along at once. Clearly, he has never waited for one in Warrington in the pissing down rain.
Woody showed the world that there is indeed a third Luke on the PDC circuit who is also pretty good at darts too, after lurking in the shadows of his two famous namesakes like Tony Eccles in a park.
So congrats to him. And also huge commiserations to Ryan Joyce, who ended up in the runners-up spot. It was a great campaign for the placid Geordie, whose excellent run meant we had to endure that dreadful Tetris walk-on song the entire weekend. Sort it out, Ryan – drop me a line, I have loads of ideas. Why not choose the Rainbow or Grange Hill theme tunes if you want an improvement on what you have?
Right. And that leads me nicely into my first observational subject, which is the songs darts players choose to enter the fray with. Some are great. Some are highly questionable. And some are utter garbage. Let’s take a look ….
Chizzy has gone one step further. Not only has he picked a song which makes you want to hunt down the artist responsible for that monstrosity and cheerfully throttle him, but for those unfamiliar with crap German pop music, it’s called Johnny Dapp by Lorenz Büffel, who I think deserves a place on MI5’s most wanted list. And yes, the irony that Chizzy’s first name is Dave isn’t lost on me either. Bizarre choice. It has his manager Roger Schena all over it, with his taste in music being as vast as his fashion sense. “Black T-shirt and one of Mr T’s thick gold chains… that’s me sorted.”
Sticking with the walk-on theme, Kevin Doets has wrestled with his of late. I gave his manager Mac an absolutely cracking suggestion, but the Dutchman instead decided to go with Gabriel Clemens’ inspired Bon Jovi choice. It was so recognisable Dan Dawson mistook it for Alice Cooper. Kev trusted me enough to go with my nickname idea – clearly, he doesn’t have as much faith in my musical knowledge as my ability to create a solid moniker. Ain’t that right Hawkeye?
From songs to gimmicks. And that leads me on to top geezer Damon Heta. After adopting countless walk-ons designed to suit each city he performed in on Euro Tour duty, the Aussie seems to have settled on wearing a massive red and yellow foam hat – a nod to his beloved local footy team, Perth Heat – and another dodgy German pop anthem that makes Chizzy’s sound bearable. The problem is Damo throws each hat into the audience, so when he makes a deep run, his material running costs exceed his winnings. God only knows how he crams them all into his suitcase. I bet both he and wife Meaghan bring an extra suitcase over to Europe simply full of the things.
It’s difficult to unnerve Andrew Gilding, and that was never more evident than when a public announcement went off during his match with Luke Woodhouse. A huge blaze could break out in the arena and Goldfinger would simply shrug, chuck in a 180 and stick his thumb up. On this occasion, both players had to leave the stage and then return before Matt Edgar took on board Dan Dawson’s suggestion and murdered the entire catalogue of the Cats musical soundtrack. Hard to think of anything I’d rather listen to less – apart from Damo’s walk-on song of course.
Everyone loves Justin Hood, right? The lovable little fella is constantly smiling like someone has intravenously hooked a vein up to a canister of laughing gas. Even at 5-0 down, the Somerset slinger would be chortling away to himself and having a giggle with the audience. He’s the kind of bloke who would invite his burglar around for a Sunday roast, nip to the shop because he’s forgotten the packet mash, leaving his guest free to finish the job off.
Former Masters winner Joe Cullen has joined the “things he doesn’t like about Germany” club, with their water being the subject of his disdain. In a post-match interview, The Rockstar told everyone exactly what he thought of the stuff – too fizzy was his verdict. Yep, that’s sparkling water for you, Joe. Given the fact none of the crowd seemed to be drinking any, with all of them sticking to jugs of beer, it’s doubtful he’d have gotten out of Kiel alive had he dared knock the lager.
And finally, I doff my cap to Daryl Gurney. After years of being booed, the Northern Irish ace put out a statement saying he will no longer be posing for photos or signing autographs. Germans don’t generally take ultimatums very well. Threatened with war, they still decided to shoot Archduke Franz Ferdinand and invade Poland. So it’s unlikely a fella with a chin the size of France will have much effect on them changing their attitudes on the jeering stakes.
Anyway, that’s that for another Euro Tour. One that saw just four ton-plus averages, a faulty fire alarm and a maiden champion. Well done, Woody lad. We at Bang On Target salute you.
