Once again, the timeless Deta Hedman OBE proved that age is just a number.
Admittedly, in Deta’s case it’s becoming quite a large number, but fortunately still nowhere near the scores she continues to hammer into a dartboard.
The ADC and WADC Winmau Championship is becoming increasingly popular amongst amateur players, and over the weekend hundreds of Britain’s finest tungsten-throwing specimens descended upon Bradmoor Farm for another four events.
Nothing says elite sport quite like several hundred darts players arriving at a farm and for the ladies in particular, spending two days desperately trying to avoid being publicly dismantled by Deta Hedman.
SATURDAY: HAYTER GONNA HATE
Opening day in the Ladies belonged entirely to Gemma Hayter, who continues to ride the wave following her recent success in Vegas at the WDF Masters.
The Eastleigh star may occasionally approach social media with all the grace, diplomacy and subtlety of an ice-skating rhinoceros carrying a chainsaw through a rink, but put three darts in her hand and she becomes considerably more precise.
Usually. Hayter first edged Vicky Pruim to claim Event 5 before returning later that day to take full advantage of an under-par Eve Watson and complete the double.
Two titles in one day. Presumably followed by a relaxing evening scrolling through Facebook looking for someone to disagree with.
But then Sunday arrived. And unfortunately for everybody else, Grandma had finished her Horlicks.
ENTER THE CARIBBEAN QUEEN.
Deta Hedman stepped up and politely reminded everybody why she is the reigning Lakeside World Champion.
It was a day when the cream rose to the top. And then beat the living crap out of everything underneath it.
First came Fallon Sherrock against Hedman in the final. Two genuine legends of the women’s game. Two players who have achieved almost everything there is to achieve. A combined CV that would require its own filing cabinet.
On this occasion, though, it was Deta who finally located the doubles that had apparently been reported missing to Thames Valley Police on Saturday. Hedman won 5-3.
Deta then presumably had a nice cuppa prepared to once again go on the charge.
Next victim: Gemma Hayter. Fresh from Saturday’s double, Hayter probably arrived at the semi-final feeling fairly pleased with life. That was adorable.
Deta comfortably dispatched her, just to establish the natural order of things, before moving into the final against Steph Clarke.
Steph then discovered what happens when Deta Hedman reaches a final and decides she’d quite like to go home as soon as possible. Paul – start the car (if in fact you’re driving this time mate!)
No messing around. No dramatic last-leg decider. No hostage negotiations. Just five legs, handshake, coat on, goodnight.
Somewhere in Britain, a birth certificate quietly burst into flames.
MEANWHILE, THE MEN WERE ALSO PLAYING DARTS…
First into the ADC Winmau Championship winners’ circle was Darren Brown, who defeated Jack Drayton 5-3 in the Event 9 final.
Then came The Prince of Darkness, Ashley Coleman. Which remains a magnificent nickname for someone playing darts at Bradmoor Farm and not Transylvania.
Coleman is becoming seriously dangerous. Only a few weeks ago, the sinister-sounding arrowmith picked up a MODUS Super Series title, presumably after emerging through dry ice while several villagers disappeared mysteriously.
This time Harry Lane was the unfortunate sacrifice. He forgot to bring the garlic and subsequently went down 5-1.
Jack Drayton, meanwhile, bounced back 24 hours after losing the opening final and went one better, producing an excellent display to defeat Michael Wiles 5-2.
Proof that if at first you don’t succeed, come back tomorrow and find someone else to beat.
Finally came Roger Crook against young Harrison Leigh. And with a surname like Crook, there was only one appropriate way for Roger to win it.
Steal the bloody thing. Crook pinched the deciding leg of a thriller to deny Leigh and claim the final men’s title of the weekend. Let’s hope you came in a hatchback Roger or you will be down in Aylesbury for five working days waiting for that massive cheque to clear mate!
All that said, the young St Helens slinger is called Last Minute so only got to the oche just in time to play the final
And with that, another weekend at Bradmoor Farm was complete.
Hundreds arrived. Eight titles were contested. Dreams were realised. Dreams were destroyed. Doubles were missed. Pints were consumed.
And several people learned the important life lesson that no matter how young, hungry, talented or ambitious you are… Deta Hedman is still waiting for you.
Player of the weekend? Come on. That’s an easy one. Here’s your clue:
She’s got an OBE, a Lakeside title and apparently absolutely no intention whatsoever of allowing the next generation to have a go.
DAME DETA HEDMAN
Still here. Still winning. And, judging by Sunday, quite possibly immortal. We will eventually be carting her away from the Nursing Home to pick up silverware at this rate!
