Sunday afternoon at Wigan and the PDC Women’s Series double-header ended with a proper War of the Roses battle between Yorkshire youngster Beau Greaves and Lancashire legend Lisa Ashton. Thankfully, neither side had called upon Richard III or a bloke dressed as Sean Bean to oversee proceedings.
And mercifully, these two ladies weren’t armed with swords and maces – that wouldn’t be fitting for any PDC regulated match and certainly generate enough money for the DRA to retire to Spain (which I am sure would be met with cheers and the odd street party). No, this pair used small pieces of tungsten and instead of firing them at each other – casually aimed them into a sisal fibre board.
With Beau unbeaten on day one, it was Lisa who prevailed with an emphatic 5-1 victory to not only remind everyone exactly who she is – not that we’d forgotten – but stop the Doncaster Ace from yet another clean sweep. Give Miss Greaves a street of chimneys to clean and zero soot would remain. If she worked for Dyson, she’d have retired at the age of ten and bought her own island by now, such is her ability to hoover things up.
Ashton’s triumph takes her to a nice round twenty PDC Women’s Series titles to go with her shopping list of other honours in a career spanning about the length of some massive wall in China. Archaeologists have unearthed fewer artefacts than Lisa has trophies.
Long before the Boltonian (not sure if right but having it anyway) arrived in the neighbouring Lancastrian town, her place in this year’s Women’s Matchplay was well and truly secured, with only Greaves ahead of her in the rankings. As the reigning champ in Blackpool, Lisa would like more of the same. But a septet of the best females on the planet also have their eye on a trip there – and it’s not for the overpriced horse and carriage rides or crappy burgers either.
Then in event two, glory went to the talented St Helens little blonde bombshell Eleanor Cairns who won’t mind me describing her like that. That said, right now, after edging Angela Kirkwood in the final, anything I called her would probably be met with a grin such is her delight.
Sadly, despite the triumph, it was always going to be too late for the youngster to put in a late race for Blackpool. It’ll just have to be a weekend with boyfriend Jack Drayton instead as the booby prize. There are worse fates in life. Although I suspect Jack might disagree after being dragged round IKEA and made to carry scented candles.
However, as explosive as that was for Miss Dynamite, her win was music to the ears of Kirsi Viinikainen. And here is precisely why.
Going into the last event of the weekend before the Matchplay cut-off, the Finn was sat in eighth on the Order of Merit – the last qualification spot. And if it was nervous before the event began, going out early would have left her borrowing other people’s nails to chew on. Thankfully – and quite rightly – no one was forthcoming in offering their services for that bizarre experience, so she had to make do with her own. Even the weird bloke at the bus stop who talks to pigeons had standards and refused.
By the quarter-finals, Steph Clarke and Angela Kirkwood were the only pair who could cull her Blackpool dreams. Not that a trip to that town should ever be on anyone’s wish list. Those two were looking as dangerous a threat to Kirsi’s hopes as standing behind a fat bloke in Greggs knowing there are only three Steak Bakes left.
Only a tournament win for either the Shropshire or Sunderland slingers would be enough. Naturally, Kirsi then became the biggest fan of anyone they were playing as she was flanked either side by English fighter jets as the nails wore down. RAF pilots have known less pressure.
The experienced Finnish chucker’s woes were then halved when Eleanor Cairns took out Clarke in the last eight. One down, one to go. Kirsi probably celebrated that result harder than Finland would have winning Eurovision.
But one threat remained. An excellent semi-final win for Kirkwood over Emma Martin put her into not just a showdown for the title, but for a place at the Women’s World Matchplay. Cairns had overcome Vicky Pruim in her last four to set the scene.
Just in case the tension wasn’t enough for Viinikainen, the contest went 4-4 and into a last-leg decider. At this point, even chewing nails from B&Q would have been acceptable. But in the end, Eleanor pinched it at the death to ensure a lifetime place on the Finland girl’s Christmas card list.
Heartbreak for Angela, but that’s darts unfortunately. A game of contrasting fortunes. One woman’s agony is another’s invitation to spend three nights paying nine quid for fish and chips on Blackpool Promenade.
That means Blackpool-bound are Beau Greaves, Lisa Ashton, Fallon Sherrock, Gemma Hayter, Vicky Pruim, Deta Hedman, Rhian O’Sullivan and, after exhaling hugely, Kirsi Viinikainen. Congrats to them. Bang On Target looks forward to covering the prestigious tournament. Oh and Gemma: watch out for them pigeons!
