The MODUS Super Series Double Trouble returns next week for its fifth edition.

Despite the popular event name, it bears no relevance to a player’s ability to neck a double-shot of vodka – believe me, they’d all excel at that. Nope, it refers to the double-start format, a la the PDC World Grand Prix.

Traditionally, everyone knows that at some point at least one arrow-smith will forget the golden rule and ping in a maximum before sinking to their knees in frustration when the referee calls, ‘No score.’

Funny for the viewer – and even the man with the mic. Not so funny for them. Go back to GO, do not collect £200 and start again.

As always, the week features a dozen competitors, with six kicking off their campaigns bright and early on Monday morning in Group A. Some may say they’ve drawn the short straw. If you’re a bird, or that annoying rooster that lives near me, it’s the perfect time to get cracking.

But as we’re aware, darts players are predominantly nocturnal creatures. Even an afternoon start gets grumpy looks from many.

Right, let’s see who’s up first in Group A – the one where everyone gets two bites at the cherry, so to speak.

I think at this stage, even if NEIL DUFF emigrated to Mars, started averaging under 60 and lost both his arms in a freak Martian fishing accident, he’d still get an invite to the MODUS Live Lounge. That said, the polemical Northern Irishman does have a good record there, so he’s certainly earned the call-ups. The moving to Mars thing? Well, I have set up a GoFundMe if anyone is interested in contributing.

Hot off his Vegas expedition, SCOTT MITCHELL is also in action. You can’t miss him – he’s the one with the bright pink shirt on. And if you’re still confused, there’s a Scottish Terrier depicted on it too.

Scottish legend ROBERT THORNTON returns, ageing like a fine Highland single malt. Big Swede ANDREAS HARRYSSON is also jetting in to bring the field’s beard average significantly up. Then we have local boy STEVE WEST who, as a Spurs supporter, is wise not to get into too many football debates – especially with Arsenal fans. It won’t end well, mate.

Rounding off that bunch is the enigmatic RICHIE BURNETT. Stand too close behind the Welshman and you can say goodbye to any future plans of fathering children.

Then, adding flavour to the mix on Thursday, a few more very familiar names who are no strangers to the Live Lounge.

Onto Group B, who will be joined by a few parachuting in from the earlier week’s action. We have names everyone will recognise. If Dirty Harry emphatically brought the beard average up, then FALLON SHERROCK is doing the same with the attraction levels.

That said, as pretty as the Queen of the Palace is, bringing in a tramp from the Portsmouth streets would increase that particular statistic too.

Then we have SIMON WHITLOCK – perhaps the only bloke who would travel to Mars to play Duff if we can all rally around and send him there. Not because of any close affiliation to the Irishman, but because if there’s an offer of a darts match, there’s nowhere, with or without a breathable atmosphere, the Aussie won’t travel to.

Completing that trio of Group B starters is former PDC Tour Card holder STEVE LENNON. Going by the acronymic moniker of SCUBA – which I know what it stands for, but you can Google – being great underwater isn’t going to win you many darts tournaments. Thankfully, Steve is rarely out of his depth and has plenty of talent to rely on rather than an oxygen tank.

Then finally, in Group C, there’s SCOTT CAMPBELL, who is amusingly both the second Scott and second Scot on show.

Onto a bloke who is seemingly as adept at art and snooker as he is on the oche, RICHIE HOWSON. As well as being able to rotate his head almost fully, The Owl can pot, draw and bang in 180s. Most darts players only have burp and fart on their list of other things they do well.

Then there’s another man who was over in Sin City and cleaned up in the doubles alongside Jeff Smith – Mr KEEGAN BROWN. They had to keep Keegz and Scotty Dog in separate groups. Not because of any disdain towards one another, but because it would create a huge kit clash and neither of them has an away shirt.

Should be fun as always.

I just wonder who’s going to start on a treble, then suddenly realise the format.

Answers on a postcard, with a tenner attached, to Bang On Target.