Next week’s MODUS Super Series looks pretty darn good. Stacked with some fantastic players – a lot of whom I know personally. Thought I’d go through a few – each of all massive personalities. The sort of line-up where if you joined them in a pub, it would be one hell of a lock-in.
RICHIE HOWSON
The Essex chucker is 60-years old now – but in fairness, doesn’t look a day over 59 and three quarters. Top bloke, nearly as good at doodling as he is at darts which is actually annoyingly impressive. Nicknamed The Owl – not because he is particularly nocturnal or can turn his head in a full 360-degree rotation – despite telling folks that’s the reason. Nah – just something he was called by his county team once and it stuck! That’s darting monikers for you. One bloke turns up wearing a green shirt in 1994 and spends the next thirty years being called Kermit.
Loves his fishing and snooker does Richie. When he isn’t at the oche, you’ll find him firing in balls or sticking his rod in the water – neither are euphemisms. Both hailing from Romford, think of Howson as a darting Steve Davis – but much less boring. Which admittedly is a very low bar considering listening to the ginger legend explain cue ball angles can occasionally feel like being forced to watch Hollyoaks.
JELLE KLAASEN
Blink and you’ll miss him – this guy used to throw faster than Labour’s plummet down the polls. Honestly, by the time some opponents had planted their feet, Jelle had already thrown three darts and mentally moved onto lunch. Also, he holds the current Guinness World Record for eating a massive plate of food in a Minehead restaurant – something I can personally testify too. Watching him attack a buffet is like seeing an XL Bully discover an unattended butchers. For the sake of his wife, let’s hope his need for speed doesn’t extend to the bedroom.
Once upon a time, the former Lakeside Champion was destined for big things. Talent in abundance and still an exceptionally good player. Let’s hope he can rediscover his touch and make it back to the big leagues soon. After all, we’ve seen it happen to many before. No reason why it can’t for Jelle. Darts careers are weird. One minute you’re flying round Ally Pally like a superhero, the next you’re playing in a leisure centre next to a vending machine wondering what the fuck happened.
WILLIE BORLAND
Ah Willie! Quite the character. Crap at pool but brilliant at darts. Which is proof that cue sports and tungsten throwing are apparently separated by a giant invisible wall of chaos. Of course when you think of the Scot, we remember his 9-darter heroics at Ally Pally a few years back when he hit the perfect leg to defeat Bradley Brooks then ran across the stage as if he were being chased by a hormonal Gemma Collins. Word has it, he’s stopped celebrating now but still milking that cow as much as Brendan Dolan does.
A puzzling thing is how a lot of dart players seem to have really attractive partners. This isn’t a slur on them personally but they’re hardly the six-pack bronzed athletic type. Most look like they’d struggle jogging to catch a bus without needing a small sit down and a Red Bull. For a while, Willie was another punching well above his weight. Maybe his girlfriend at the time thought you got a million quid for hitting a 9-darter at the World Championships. Boy, was she wrong! Once he broke the news, that was that – it was back to Tinder and swiping left to a West Lothian junkie with eight kids.
GEORGE KILLINGTON
During his time on the PDC Pro Tour, George was one of the three tungsten musketeers – always in the company of Ritchie Edhouse and Martin Lukeman. Not sure if the last two ever signed up a new Porthos – one with a black beard ideally. Sounds less like a darts friendship group and more like three blokes who’d run a questionable double-glazing company together.
Lovely fella is George. Often accompanied by his Dad on tour who is also a really nice man. Killer, like Jelle, is another who possesses oodles of talent and hopefully can make it back to the main circuit soon. If not for himself, but for Alexandre Dumas’ famous novel to once again make sense.
Then there are a few other very strong competitors in the field. Welshman Kurt Parry will pose problems. The sort of player who quietly sneaks through draws while everybody else gets distracted by louder personalities and fluorescent shirts. If it was a game of Scrabble and not a darts tournament, and you were allowed to put down tiles to spell your own name, then David Wawrzewski would piss it. Look at all those high value consonants which would be hell if you picked them in Countdown. Susie Dent would look at that surname like Chizzy trying to do algebra.
When I first looked at the list, I genuinely believed Jay from The Inbetweeners was giving it a shot. But it’s actually James Buckby not Buckley who is the lovable bull-shitting character from the show. Turns out it wasn’t. Slightly disappointing because hearing Jay Cartwright claim he once beat Phil Taylor in a caravan park in Tenerife would’ve improved the viewing figures on Pluto TV dramatically. Arne Spee also in the mix. I am sure he’s a great guy but as a Liverpool fan, I am very much disgusted by the name Arne at the moment. The name alone currently triggers Liverpool supporters harder than a Man United 103rd minute winner.
Anyway, should be good. There are times where the MODUS Super Series has a line-up like Celebrity Big Brother – hardly anyone recognises the names and you spend half the week wondering whether somebody used to be in S Club 7 or was once arrested on Traffic Cops.
Next week, it looks stacked and not just with extremely good chuckers, but huge personalities. If anything, it’ll be fun and loads of top characters for Owen Binks to enrol for his next bunch of funny videos. Keep it up Binksey – love em pal.
