Timeshare PDC destination Leicester once again played host to the latest Players Championship double-header. A city famous for the discovery of King Richard III in a car park – quite the anomaly given none of his loyal subjects even knew he could drive.

After two action-packed days, it was all about a pair of Lukes – and for once, not the Littler-named one.

First player into the winner’s circle was Mr Humphries, who picked up his second floor title of the season, defeating Jermaine Wattimena in the final. The Machine Gun had been galloping at speed down the home straight but, at the end, unceremoniously fell off his horse – coming as a great relief to the equine beast, who probably needed a long vacation and therapy after the experience.

I genuinely believe Cool Hand doesn’t get the recognition he deserves. Perhaps if it wasn’t for the magnificent achievements of a certain Luke Littler over the past couple of years, more of the spotlight would have been on the Berkshire-born man. However, given the fact The Nuke has broken more records than a family of break-dancing hippos in HMV, it’s hardly surprising.

It was a truly world-class tournament display from Humphries, who averaged in excess of a ton in all but one of his seven matches. That’s the second time this season he’s achieved that feat following his superb triumph at Wigan back in February.

The world number two was so delighted with this afternoon’s work that he knocked off early and didn’t bother his arse playing the Tuesday event. He can now relax for a couple of days and head to Sheffield for the final league-phase Premier League meeting, safe in the knowledge he’s already booked his spot at the O2.

Then, the following afternoon, another member of the Luke fraternity finally got his hands on a ProTour title. The rise of Woodhouse in recent months has been as noticeable as a giraffe spying on people in high-storey tower blocks. Only a couple of weeks ago, the Bewdley boy came agonisingly close to that breakthrough, but instead the maiden award went to Kevin Doets, who is also rapidly on the rise.

This time, there was no heartbreak for Woody, who got over the line against Andrew Gilding, your darting equivalent of a silent assassin.

Once again, a high number of players dropped out. That said, you’d be hard-pressed to find me in Leicester even if the prize money was £15 million as opposed to £15k. Even those living close to the city often don’t bother taking a spin to the Mattioli Arena for a chuck and a few bob.

One bloke who won’t be happy with his trip to England is Pero Ljubic. The Croatian averaged just shy of 58 in his whitewash spanking dished out by Ryan Searle. And he didn’t fare much better the following day, averaging only a few points more as he received another 6-0 battering from Jeffrey de Graaf.

Not a great sign for a professional darts player when you are averaging a lower figure than the combined IQ of the main characters from Shameless. It makes you wonder how the fuck he got a tour card in the first place but, clearly, Pero is better than this. He doesn’t need to keep skipping events either – he’s already missed eight so far this campaign, which hardly helps his cause.

So poor Ljubic remains winless this season. And surprisingly, so does Oskar Lukasiak – despite having missed fewer events than the Croat. It’s not that the Swede isn’t very good – which I assure you he is – it’s that once you’re on the slippery slope of a long losing streak, it becomes as much a game of the mind as one on the oche.

Perhaps Oskar can have a chat with Josh Rock, who found himself in a similar boat recently – albeit Premier League-wise – and eventually turned it around. My advice to the Scandinavian would be to try and reach the six-leg mark before his opponent does. About as useful as waiting until the Grand National is over before telling the bloke in the bookies who he should have backed.

One other person I am going to virtually high-five is Harry Ward. Granted, not the most famous name in the sport and his poster probably didn’t adorn many teenage tungsten fans’ bedroom walls, but he was excellent on Tuesday.

To understand this, you need a bit of a recap. Nicknamed ‘Big H’ – for the same obvious reasons you might label the current British Prime Minister ‘Wanker K’ – the Staffordshire-born lad was once touted as one for the future. At just 21 years old, he gained a tour card and then, on the exact same date back in 2019 as his run on Wednesday, defeated Max Hopp to claim a Players Championship title.

But only a year later, he just fucked off. Decided darts wasn’t for him – despite the fact he was clearly exceptionally good at it – and walked away. Obviously, he had his reasons but, to outsiders unaware of them, it seemed a genuine shame.

Then, just like Lazarus armed with a set of darts, Harry returned. He started this season’s Challenge Tour like a man possessed and earned a call-up to Leicester – which is similar to winning a holiday in Baghdad. And seven years on from his inaugural triumph, he went all the way to the best semi of his life since his wedding day.

Big H – I salute you, sir. Long may it continue, pal.