Welcome to the very first BANG ON TARGET Weekly VAULT Report.
This is where I dive into a rather large spreadsheet—kindly put together for me—and take a look at all the tournament winners. Along the way, I’ll heap praise where it’s due… and naturally have a bit of a giggle too.
And as you’ve probably already seen, we’ve got a weekly HALL OF FAME for HATRICK HEROES. Pretty much what it says on the tin—win three or more events in a week (Monday to Sunday) and your name goes up in lights. Or rather, in text… with a little national flag thrown in for good measure.
Right, let’s be chivalrous—ladies first.
We start with young Eleanor Cairns. Not just because I know her, and not just because “Miss Dynamite” bagged a hat-trick—but because she was the only woman to hit two. That’s six goals for those still thinking in football terms… or in this case, WADC Vault events.
The little firecracker must have spent the entire week on the road, tormenting players across the North West. Wins in Preston, Fleetwood and Oldham—not exactly sun-soaked holiday destinations, but beaches weren’t what Cairns was chasing.
These days, Eleanor spends a lot of time around Fleetwood, where her boyfriend Jack Drayton (a handy golfer who also throws a dart or two) lives—and where she works. So if you’ve been wondering why the St Helens slinger is based up the Lancashire coast, now you know.
For that effort alone—and not just for tackling the M6 and Oldham—I’m naming her Ladies Player of the Week. A prestigious honour, which I’m sure ranks just above her maiden PDC Women’s Series title… at least in my book.
Sunderland’s Angela Kirkwood also enjoyed a strong outing, picking up a win at the Black Bush. I’d like to think that’s named after a rare shrub rather than anything from my mate’s DVD collection. She didn’t stop there either, adding another victory at The Knack—an appropriately named venue given her darting ability.
Onto the men’s game.
Another familiar name, Willie Borland, picked up multiple wins. Yes, you might need a translator when interviewing the Scottish star, and yes, he does get a bit excited when pinning a nine-darter—but he’s a player I fully expect to see back on the PDC circuit soon.
Airdrie and Edinburgh were his hunting grounds this week, where he stuck it to the locals with some top-quality performances.
Scrolling through the list, I spotted Danny Humphries—and no, not the kind who puts your dog to sleep and charges you a small fortune. This Danny is an Armed Forces veteran, recently back from Las Vegas. Salisbury may not have quite the same sparkle, but it’s where he picked up a tidy brace of VAULT wins.
Then there’s young Jack Johnson, who looks like butter wouldn’t melt—but put him on the oche and he’s a different animal. A natural. The talented youngster, now a regular on the exhibition circuit, doubled up with wins in Haywards Heath and Oxted. Go on, my son!
But my Men’s Player of the Week goes to Lee Evans, who secured a hat-trick across Andover and Swansea.
It’s been a tough few years for Lee since his stand-up comedy career fell flat. Not entirely surprising—his jokes landed about as well as being kicked by an elephant. But he’s dusted himself off and discovered tungsten is a far better weapon than a punchline.
Fair play to him.
More of the same next week—don’t miss it.
