The latest Players Championship double-header took place this week. And with enough key arrow-smiths missing to form their own darting squadron, opportunity knocked for others including the long list of Challenge Tour aficionados seizing opportunities like hungry sea lions at Sea World eagerly awaiting ‘bloke with bucket of fish’. Like shoppers at Aldi during a middle aisle sale, they descended in their masses with zero intention of leaving empty handed. That said, a few did.
If Milton Keynes was its own planet, it would be named Roundabout World. A trip to the Buckinghamshire town leaves your head spinning such is their sheer love and complete overuse of these road islands. Sat navs don’t direct you there. They simply whisper, good luck, before suffering a nervous breakdown and filing for early retirement.
After the dizziness wore off, the darts began. First in the winner’s circle was Jeffrey De Graaf. The second fella who was born in the Netherlands then decided to move to Sweden to claim a title this season. The other of course, Kevin Doets who is far enough down the Dutch World Cup pecking order to consider going full-Jeff and changing allegiances. Another year or two and he’ll be belting out ABBA songs as a Stockholm karaoke bar and putting meatballs in his packed lunch sandwiches.
It’s De Graaf’s second career PDC Pro Tour title, adding to the one he picked up at the same venue last year. Clearly the 35-year old is either incredibly fond of roundabouts or spends his days in such a state of perpetual dizziness that he’s immune. The man could probably survive being spun around in an office chair twenty times and then parallel park a caravan.
Jeff’s victim list was mighty impressive. It included Josh Rock, a couple of the most in-form men in the PDC right now – Luke Woodhouse and Wessel Nijman – before finishing the job off against the world’s most famous dart throwing Ferret, Jonny Clayton. In truth, as solid as JDG was, it was his precision on the outer ring which was the main factor. Like a bilingual Robin Hood with a pair of passports and much smaller arrows. Somewhere in Nottingham, an actual Prince of Thieves impersonator was reportedly furious and immediately demanded a VAR review.
Onto the second day, and quite a few players opted to head home. However, due to the aforementioned layout of the town, they were unable to escape the circular fame of Milton Keynes, and all ended up back at the venue so thought, “screw it, I’m here now, may as well play.” Several are believed to have passed the same KFC four times and accepted their fate like prisoners returning voluntarily to Alcatraz.
And after another day of quality arrows, it was Ross Smith collecting his third Pro Tour title of the season at the expense of Ireland’s William O’Connor. Smudger won one of these bad boys earlier in the campaign and also bagged the International Darts Open so 2026 is going pretty well for him.
About the only thing missing from his year is a winning lottery ticket and an invite to replace Rylan Clark on one of his many television hosting duties. There is an uncanny resemblance between the two, with Ross perhaps being the slightly more butch-looking version and without a set of teeth visible from the International Space Station. Should the National Grid ever fail, producers could probably just wheel Rylan outside and ask him to grin in the general direction of London.
Despite hailing from Kent, speaking to Ross makes you think he is best served selling fruit on a market stall in Albert Square whilst loudly arguing over the price of bananas with somebody called Barry. However, it’s Kent he comes from and subsequently, meets the ideal criteria of being a Manchester United fan.
Smith was imperious all throughout Wednesday afternoon, recording four ton plus averages including a breathtaking 107 in the final to finish off Willie. If you see the euphemism in that, you have a filthy mind.
But one person that day deserves enormous credit – and that is Henry Coates who on just his fourth Players Championship outing, was millimetres from reaching the final. With Luke Littler absent all season, many are probably thrilled to remove such a threat. So for them to watch another 19-year old English whizz-kid come along and almost go all the way, must feel daunting. It’s a bit like finally getting rid of the wasps nest in the shed only to discover the hornets have moved in and brought relatives.
Nicknamed The Meat for perhaps reasons Coates can himself explain to me, he had three darts at tops to erase Smudger in the semi-final last leg decider. Sadly for him, he didn’t. And that was that. Sport can be brutally cruel. But Henry is young, and just like his namesake – will undoubtably hoover up titles aplenty.
It’s Wigan next for the PDC’s finest but not before many head off on World Cup duty. That’s always fun and when I write about it soon.
